Unhappy yet hopeful

Hey yo!

I know everyone still felt that the  holidays were too short and therefore each one of us hoped and wished to have an extended vacation even just for a little. But too bad, majority of us couldn't spare more holidays because it would be a bad omen to start the new year with too many absences. Such, was my case.

December wasn't really a blast for us. In the middle of it, my father in law was admitted to the hospital, stayed there for 2 weeks and sadly passed away after Christmas Day at the age of 83. Christmas for us was spent at the hospital, chasing the doctors, buying prescriptions and shelling out our cash bonuses for a greater purpose but no regrets though. I was still happy to at least have given than have done nothing at all. And, thank God for it because I now somehow know what I'm capable of and what kind of person I am.

New Year came but there was nothing special for us too. We were grieving after we sent a family member to his final resting place 2 days before New Year's eve. So, it was a quiet New Year for us. My kids and I went to light a candle at St. Jude Parish, watched some Christmas decorations displayed at the City Hall and went home, drank a little, talked to hubby about different stuff and ended up snoring 2 hours after we blew and honked horns.

So here I am, sleeping off a migraine and spending the whole day tucked in bed and somehow coping up with the throbbing pain and literally unhappy about taking a day off from work.

Yes, to be honest, I'm not happy for skipping work. I don't to hear disappointments, complaints, etc. So much for working in a company owned by a relative. *sigh*

Oh well, maybe it's a sign for something. I just have to absorb it somehow and whatever it may be, I think, I have to think further ahead.

Good luck to our 2014! Let's hope this year will go more smoothly than last year and probably end it with something very good! God bless us!

The way I feel tonight

Dear Papa God,

Is it too much to ask for extreme patience, understanding and optimism? Because it's literally running out already.

Lately, I had been experiencing a lot of heartaches from someone whom I expected to support me in every decision that I make, be it good or bad. After all, it's for a long term goal. Yet much to my disappointment, my day always start and end with a lot of painful words being thrown at me. Now, I'm not even sure what "through thick and thin" really meant anymore.


I never regretted making mistakes in life, even if it meant falling and standing back again. I never regretted going through a rough road, even at times when the road is full of piercing stones and the only choice I have to move on is to walk without any shoes on.

To be honest Father, even if I had no regrets, I still can't take off the thoughts of giving up and going back to the place where I feel that I really belong, home. If only I didn't have any children to think of or any responsibilities to face, I would be glad to just leave everything behind and go back to where I started.

At times that I'm at my lowest, I try to put on a poker face and smile like there's nothing wrong. At times, I wanted to drown myself with beer just to cover the pain that I feel even if it's just a temporary solution.

Right now, Father, I feel lost, drained and empty. But I am going to choose the greater good: move on and assure myself that I'm doing the right thing.

Please help me understand all these things Father.

Love, Sweepz