I hate myself..

I hate myself for loving my kids too much..

just last night, as I opened a pack of pregnancy tester and went to the washroom, my twins in return, took out the "do not eat" silica gel out..

they tore it open and ate it..

I was so mad!!! I had to bring them to the hospital for a check up which cost more than a thousand pesos.. we had to bring them for a blood check and urinalysis..

if it weren't for the clumsy mother, the twins wouldn't have eaten a pack of silica gel..

dang it!!!

Happy Easter!

hmm.. before we go searching for eggs at the clubhouse, let's give ourselves a time to reflect on the 1 year that we had gone through..

I was never a good daughter to my mom.. the past year, I was even telling myself that I wasn't ready to give in to my relatives' advise, telling me to ask for forgiveness from my mom..

the 1 year that was long due, as here comes the holy week again, was full of fruitful memories..

but the highlight of my year was when I finally approached my mom, uttering just a single word of sorry..

I always knew that God is with me at every point in my life, after I had my kids, got a decent job, had hyperthyroidism and when I faced mom..

there were no long talks but just the "nod".. although, scolding was a part of it, she was easy to accept me back again.. with the realization that I cannot go home alone but with kids..

I opted to choose the happiness that I'm in now.. although, there were no regrets, comparisons of what happened if I stayed and etc, arised..

but I'm complete now.. and so I would like to share my prayer with you all..

DEAR LORD,
THANK FOR ANOTHER YEAR THAT YOU GAVE ME AFTER EVERY UPS AND DOWNS THAT I ENCOUNTERED.. IT STILL WAS A FRUITFUL YEAR FOR I HAVE LEARNED A LOT AND THE WISDOM THAT ONCE WAS HAS NOW A NEW CHAPTER.. THANK YOU LORD FOR GIVING ME A SMOOTH SAIL TO ANOTHER LENTEN SEASON.. ALTHOUGH, I MUST ADMIT THAT I'M NOT A CHURCHGOER, YOU STILL GAVE ME EVERYTHING YOU COULD TO MAKE ME HAPPY.. THANK YOU DEAR LORD FOR THE STRENGTH TO FACE EVERYDAY, THE COURAGE TO TELL THE RIGHT WORDS, THE LITTLE PATIENCE THAT I HAVE FOR EVERYTHING, THE LOVE THAT I GET EVERYDAY FROM MY FAMILY AND YOU, THE HEART TO BE CONSIDERATE OF PEOPLE, THE HONESTY TO MY FAMILY, AND MOST OF ALL, I WOULD WANT TO THANK YOU FOR GIVING US GOOD HEALTH THROUGHOUT THE YEAR AND THE FORGIVENESS FROM MY MOM..
LORD, I WAS NEVER A GOOD CHILD, BUT HELP ME MAKE UP FOR MY MOM, FOR THE LOST YEARS THAT I WASN'T WITH THEM, FOR THE LOVE THAT I NEGLECTED TO GIVE THEM..
LORD, I KNOW YOU HAVE A PLAN.. AND I WILL ACCEPT EVERYTHING TO BE A GOOD CHILD TO YOU.. HELP ME FEED MY CHILDREN OF THE RIGHT NOURISHMENT SPIRITUALLY AND RAISE THEM AS GOOD CHRISTIANS..
AND WITH ALL THE WISH THAT I WANT TO TELL YOU, I WOULD WANT TO THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME WHAT I HAVE NOT ASKED AND THAT I'M WILLING TO WAIT FOR YOUR RIGHT TIME..
THANK YOU LORD.. I LOVE YOU!
LOVE, AGNES

Don't you wish you were the girl in Cinders?

Britney Spears' husband has bad breath, sweaty armpits and smelly feet, claims his ex-girlfriend.

Kevin Federline's former lover Amy Woods claims he used to go to Vegas on gambling sprees and not wash for days.

The Sun quotes her as saying: "He wouldn't shower or brush his teeth at all so he'd stink. He didn't care."

A spokesperson for Britney denied the claims saying the comments were "ridiculous".

** the last thing that I want is a husband with smelly armpits.. **

Willis and Lohan sharing one picture

can you believe them??

it's not that I'm nosy but I found the picture on the web and thought that it will make you curious too..

isn't he too old for her?? hey, she just turned 18, you know..

Blending in..

It's another Saturday again..

Another day where you go through a whole day of bored work..

Other got their half day off while some have the whole afternoon to sit and stare in space.. And, I'm just one of the few people sitting and staring at the ceiling before deciding to go hacking away the keyboard of our boss' password protected computer..

Luckily though, it's one of these days that I get to have a chance to hit it..

So, now, here I am, sitting and staring past the monitor while my fingers tick tack away..

For what? I dunno.. After 4 hours of tormenting work in the morning, I'm left with nothing to do for another 4 hours in the afternoon..

Sometimes I wonder why life is so complicated..

When I was still a kid, although I'm still a kid at heart, I worry what my neighbors would be playing when I'm not allowed to go out.. I worry about the punctures that I got from running and slipping the stoney floor.. I worry about the next session in school and when it will end when math time comes.. I worry about the toys that I would want mom and dad to buy when they disagreed to it for being so costly..

When teenage days came, I worry about the zits on my face.. I used to watch my classmates put lipstick and toothpaste on their zits when I laugh at them but do the same.. I worry about the sleep-overs when my friends are screaming throughout the night while I sleep in my cozy bed.. I worry of guys and on how I would do to let them like me..

When college days came, I worry of being far away from my family and venture into another part of the world becoming independent myself.. I worry of the late night spree in cinema's when homework was supposed to be due the day tomorrow.. I worry about why guys ignore me when my friends get to choose whoever they like.. I worry about blending in the crowd.. and worry was carried on after graduation from college..

Now comes reality.. when one has to work their asses off to have a future or do they have a future after all?

I, after learning a lot of this existence, worry a little less than before..

I have a beautiful family, 2 kids and a good career.. Fate is on my side.. while I go along with the tides of today and prepare myself for the tsunami of tomorrow..

Now, I'm facing a world of existence where one learn throughout their way to God..

I thank God for giving me this..

The Bull..

My morning was came out so good that I haven't considered anything would make it as bad as it is now..

I don't even give a bit of shit if he reads what I write.. he's just as bulls**t as ever.. I always thought that he was a nice person but he turned the other way around.. after he got his permanent job after 6 months of being probation..

He was the nicest guy when he came to the office but alas, he changed..

anyway.. did you get one of those days when you're asked to clean out your area when the person telling can't even get a glimpse of how his table looked like..

he's a piece of s**t!

and getting to be more than just a s**t!..

I hope he rots on his chair and get some sense..

and did you know, I just cleaned my area with wipe out and sliding door with a glass cleaner..

and so it went, a bad day.........

Getting to know each other..... again!

I had another fruitful visit with my mom.. The more I get to be with her, the more I admit to myself that I actually miss her..

I miss her laughter, her smile, her witty comments, her ordinary voice raising, her all..

And, the more that I realize that I love her, the more I felt wasted of the years that we lost contact of each other..

So, anyway, last night I brought my kids to my "once" home.. I was so amazed by the scene, although she showed me that's she's still mad, deep beneath her posture, as you could see shadows in one's eye, she was happy of the feeling of becoming a grandmother..

The kids, however, still felt a little strangeness of meeting her the first time, went off their way to exert their effort in reaching the billiard table.. So mad are they that they went their way off climbing the table and kicking the colored balls that were set on the table to play..

If you could only see them, you'll be rolling down the floor, laughing until you couldn't squeeze another "ha"..

Although the visit that I had last night was so time constraint, wherein I gave myself an hour, it was simply nourishing enough to see how well our family is going to be in the years to come..

As for my relationship with mom, I'll be trying, of course, my best to win her back..

and, I'll be saying this to you, "itaga mo sa bato, I will be behaving a proper lady should behave and be her "daughter", once and for all..

In a State of Utopia

It's been 3 years and plenty of days that I haven't seen, talk and hug my mother..

So many questions were left unanswered..

So much hatred resided in our hearts..

So much pain had been registered in our mind..

So much "i miss you"had been prayed to God everynight..

As it ended yesterday at 2 PM, I was in a state of utopia..

I am halfway to heaven now that our relationship flowers more.. now that she accepted me back in her arms..

Thank you Lord for giving me the courage to face my mother.. To tell her that "i'm very sorry"..
I love her the most..

I couldn't ask for more, except, my dad..

I'm Hooked..

Not the cross stitches and the colorful pattern that I sew everyday..

Not the books that I snatched from my sister..

Not from the coffee that I make every morning..

Not the internet icon that I click every break..

Not the refreshing rests that I take after every lunch..

Not the TV that I watch from day to night..

But the game called "YOU DON'T KNOW JACK!"

RISEN..

I was wrong, after all....

I TOLD HIM SO...

My colleague is going to be sooooo dead when he reports on Monday..

Reminiscing the First Time..

Well.. It's actually been days already that I haven't gotten hold of a functioning computer with internet access.. and it's too much of a damn restriction.. don't you think so??

just about this morning, my boss came in a little too late and lucky as I am, I had the chance to grab hold of the keyboad as I go on tick-tacking away..

and the result of all these?? another blog was written..

it's been quite a few days already that my addiction of doing an entry on my blog has ever materialized..

and dang right that my feelings had been too jumpy at the sight of a computer.. Imagining myself caressing the qwertyuiop alphabetically scrambled keyboard gives me this feeling of wanting..

oh so lucky am I that computers are invented but so damn unlucky for being restrained in using the modern technology..

I am going to explode in a moment now.. *bang*

Mi Kiddo's

Time flies by so fast that I'm having a really really hard time catching up..

My kids are growing so fast and catching up on today's trend even if they're just 2.. *sigh*..

Just the other day, I saw them staring at the TV set as they jumped up and down while singing the tune of the ads.. and to my amazement, I was actually trying to stop myself from crying.. shallow, huh??

and *sigh*.. would you believe, that they already know to sing and dance the "yeye bonel".. hahaha

I never had enjoyed them more from the moment that they came out but just now..

You know how it is.. to all the amazement that a mother is going to feel as their children grow up, there is but one wish that they keep in their hearts, that their children will be good grown ups as the years will come..

*sigh*.. I'm just as sentimental as anyone is when they see their baby for the first time.. when they see their baby open their eyes..

yes, these are God's miracle..

Abstinence!

Did you know that we were banned to use the computer just because of a stupid error caused by the network..

It's such a dumb idea to associate the error in send and receiving messages as viruses.. when in fact, it was an error caused by the absence of the connection to the server..

Dang people! Don't you think it's dumb??

I dunno if my boss finds time in reading my blog but he's such a jerk..

if he only know..

SOON to be MARRIED

yey!! FINALLY!!! My hubby asked my hand for marriage.. YEY!!

But we're still arguing of the date.. See, we've been boyfriend - girlfriend thing for 15 years already.. we have 2 kids, our twins.. and we're trying first hand experience of life of being married to each other..

So far, there are ups and downs.. this time, it's far more serious than just jealousy itself..

Nevertheless, we had survived almost 4 years of being together in one roof.. and it's about time HONEY! it's about time, yes! it's about time to hook our life by binding under one God and sharing our life to others..

See, it's not a difficult thing.. but, we'll see.. it's just the start of sparks and dynamites.. *whew*

Death

As always, why is crying associated with death?? is it that somebody dear to us would slowly fade away from the living world and unite with the soil? or is it that, it's just it.. that crying should always be initiated on death..

I am so troubled with the sad news that brought me to cry.. Our closest friend of all, lost their mother..

their mom, uncle, sister and several others aboard a tamaraw fx went to fetch their dad who had a stroke.. and on its way back home, as they were rushing because of the condition of their father, they drove faster than their usual and was accidentally bumped by a truck with sand and gravel loaded at the back..

The driver and the passenger at his back, instantly died on the spot.. their mom was still unconscious but breathing at the time that the helpful people brought them to the hospital..

when my close friends knew of the accident, they instantly requested for a city ambulance to pick up their mom, who's in a bad condition, sister, who's hurt the most and had a lot of bleeding areas, and their dad, who had a stroke..

my friend, went to davao doctor's hospital to tend to her mother, was happy when she saw her mother's feet.. but the happiness faded when she saw her mom's face..

it's a sad day for me.. but of course, the consideration that they're our bestest friends, the life of their mom is still a loss for all of us..

*sigh*.. and sob.. I will miss her..

ADDICTEDly yours

Lately, I haven't seem to be doing the right things at work..

See, I had been totally addicted to those movie still, anagrams, pick up line quizzes, etc.. I can't seem to get enough of these and had been searching and searching for more..

anyway.. I would want to share a few links of what I'm trying to tell you..

• quizardy - http://quiz.iplac.co.uk/
• the film asylum - http://www.thefilmasylum.com/quiz.htm
• invisible stills - http://gary.appenzeller.net/InvisibleMovieQuizzes.html
• filmwise - http://www.filmwise.com/visual/index.shtml

well.. if you aren't convinced enough, try searching again.. but I had find quizardy to be totally cool!..

click on..

Something's wrong with me..

I have hyperthyroidism.. and it's getting bigger and bigger everyday.. some would say that it still doesn't show but I say, it does.. I'm too shy to have myself pictured.. and would be too shy until I have this thing plucked out of my neck..

I have talked to an endophthalmologist, if I'm not mistaken.. and from what she told me, it's a toxic hyperthyroidism.. she had actually helped me by explaining what it could do to my body and what the effects are.

• toxic hyperthyroidism can be measured. while I forgot how big is mine, she says that it's already showing.
• hyperthyroidism will affect my heart eventually. It will bring my heart into a confused state.
• hyperthyroidism will easily tire you out. Walking a short distance would actually mean that one has to go on panting and gasping for breathe.
• hyperthyroidism will make your eyes bigger with black circles around.
• pregnancy during hyperthroidism is acceptable.
• women who went over birth doesn't actually get hyperthyroidism by shouting. it has no effect when you give birth.
• hyperthyroidism's signs are sorethroats and a rough voice.

and according to the specialist, you could get these either by an iodine deficiency or when you have excess of iodine. Iodized salt, she says, isn't much of a help since when one uses iodized salt, they use it as condiments and at small proportions.

As she went on explaining of it, she came across the means one opts to take for curing the thryoid. Radiation, Surgery or Medication.

Medication would be the easiest. if a body reacts to the medicine after a certain time of taking it, the person wouldn't need to undergo radiation or surgery anymore.

If a body reacted to the medication by shrinking the thyroid a bit, radiation would be the next step.

If the thyroid has already neutralize but the thyroid is still big, surgery is the answer to it. But after surgery, the thyroid might come back.

However which way, partially, I'm scared and the other half is pushing me to go on surgery. But, having wouldn't mean a 100% of a clear thyroid. It may come back and I wouldn't wanna go on another surgery the 3rd time.

and if eventually it comes back, I have to curse science for the discoveries and science for their overly defective medicinal blah blah creations..

Oh well.. oh well.. oh well..

Harting hart

Dir Ate Tsaro,

Ona po sa lahat, pasinsya na po kung medyu iisipen mo pa ang akeng mga ispelling. Hende po kase ako nakapagtapos ng hayskol. hanggang grid 2 lang po ako.

Sesemulan ko ang akeng kuwinto belang katolong. Ako po ay labenwalo taon golang na po. Lakeng Agosan del Sor po ako. Eniwe, sa kaherapan po ng bohay, pomonta po akong maynela at nakepagsapalaran.

Tatlong lengo den po ako ng pomareto at pomaroon, at nahelo po ako. Sinwirti naman po ako at nakapag tarbaho ako sa amu kong Kano na may asawang Finoy.

Nageng tagapag lenes po ako ng bahay nela na ala maynsyun sa lake. Mabaet po ang akeng amo at malake po ang begay na sewildu sa aken. Lemang Lebo po ang natangap ko sa semula nong taong 2003.

Umekot po ang akeng kwinto nang makelala ko si Inting. Na nlab agad ako ate tsaro, sana tama po ang ispelling ng pangalan niyo. Towing di op ko, nagkeketa kame sa lunita. Hangang sa esang araw na nakoha nya po ang akeng heyas, ang akeng pagkababai.

Semula po noon natapus po yaon, e, hende na nagpaketa sa akin si Inting. Mahal na mahal ko po si Inting ate Tsaro. Kaya nga pamensan ay tolala ako at tenatanong ng aking amung Kano na "Wat is hafin nday?" at ang sagot ko naman "Nateng sir ay am jas miss". Kaherap talaga ang inglis ate tsaro.

Piro, bomalek uli tayo sa kuwintu ko, sa kabotehan, hende naman po nagbonga ang mga nangyare. At nagpatoloy po ako sa akeng werk. Nang esang araw ay bomalek si Inting.

Nalaman ko na lang po nun na nag-asawa na pala sya ng esang taga sibwano. Ang saket po, ets harts talaga ate tsaro. bumubulatlat po ang akeng hart sa saket.

Anu po ang akeng gagawen? Mahal ko po seya at hende naman po kame naghiwalay ng purmal.


Nagmamahal,
Si Nday pram Agusan Del Sor

pi es. pake gret nyo lang po ang akeng nanay na si ipipanya at tatay na si epipanyo. Magpapadala lang po ako ng pira sa susunod na lenggo. Sana ay begyan naman ako ng tamang sahud. At sa kapated kung si Babuy, hende po ako nagbebero ate tsaro, babuy po talaga ang neknem nya, na mag-aral sya ng mabute.