the past, the present and the future

since I was a child and up until now, my family groomed me up to be a creature loving, friendly and a down-to-earth person.. yet so, I was as decent and as graceful as a bird..

growing up years weren't as hard as it used to be.. there were days when we have nothing to worry about instead sought to pick the sweet smelling flowers for the dining table.. there were days when my childhood friends and I, would go up to the highest step of the oak tree and sit on an old tire hooked to a tree and swing all day long.. Nothing would make my day right when I couldn't go on diving to the lake in between our house and the lighthouse..

Indeed, it's such wonderful thought to look back to yet the present speaks otherwise..

2 years ago, I had my first babies, and yes they're babies, my pride and joy, my twins.. As I grew up loving them, until my last breathe, thinking that having babies will be the most wonderful thing that a woman can have, I have overlooked the problem of the financial support that I must have to take good care of them..

and with what luck and hardships of getting a degree, I had my first average paying job.. and with that job, I am raising my twins the way I wanted to be.. If only the pay is enough..

Not only that, problems arise everytime I save some.. *sigh*.. ailing babies that could make your bank account turn over upside down in just 1 second and returning you back to nothing.. but my pride couldn't be taken away for having such wonderful kids and I wouldn't want nothing more than to have them learn in a good school, go to college, get a high paying job and marry a decent girl after having saved enough for the wedding..

I haven't had that wedding yet.. Everytime I get to meet a guy, the whole world would turn against me.. Maybe, I'm not meant to get married after all.. Maybe, I'm meant to be all alone through my lifetime.. Maybe, I'm meant to be my children's sole parent.. and Maybe, I must concentrate on what my career points at for my kids..

But in the end, after a long day of filling up blank papers, filing them onto a cabinet and checking on all of the furnished list, I'd sigh and look at my wishlist.. that someday.. maybe someday.. things will turn just right..