Random Prayer

 Dear Papa Jesus,

I know you know what my heart holds. I rarely share prayers of disappointments, rather, I pray that everything goes well and some in between.

This time around, I want to express a small dent in my heart.

I know that life is not equal. It never will be equal, never will be fair.

I used to explain to people that no matter how hard you try to trace a line using the same ruler, every line will almost always end up differently by a certain degree. Yet, never have I imagined that it would really become one of those experiences that I will hold until I get old.

I have always understood that even if parents would declare that they look at their kids equally, it never ever happens that everyone are equal. Moreso if the parents have more than 2 children.

I never expected anything to be fair, yes, never. I knew for a fact that no matter what, there will always be someone from the brood that will escalate as their favorite and that can’t be helped. It exists. I never had any questions about it. But, if it will become a burden for the rest of us, that will be a different story.

Papa Jesus, guide us please. Especially me. I’m the oldest. And everything that will happen to any one of them is and will be my fault. I remember mom telling me before, that it was because of me that they married someone she doesn’t approve and someone who’s not Chinese. I was their role model.

I never imposed anything to them. I even advised them to not follow my footsteps. But you know better.

It’s alright Papa if I get to catch all of those blunders, it’s fine. In the end, you know better.

Just, please, somehow, heal my heart. Teach me to let go of things that don’t matter and are hopeless. Remind me that it’s not my fault, if it’s really not my fault. If it is, let me carry it.

My prayers stand the same, Father. No need to tell everyone what I pray for, for I know, You know what my prayers are.

Still, thank you. I get to learn so much in the short time that you had alloted for me in this world.

Love, A